Stress and Panic Attacks

So, last Wednesday I went to the OCAD Grad show… Personally, when it comes to looking at art, I feel calm, relax and usually feel at peace. However, I was flushed and ended up having a panic attack…

That day I was going through quite a bit of stuff such as – working late, dealing with my landlords death and the sudden cancellation of my lease due to his passing. I pushed all the stress away during the day, but I guess it came back but with vengeance.

At the time of my panic attack, I didn’t realize it. I thought something was seriously wrong with my health. This can’t be a panic attack, I know how to handle my stress… I was panicking about being stressed out. I felt a wave of fatigue. Surrounded by people and my roommate talking to her family, I felt disconnected to my body and didn’t want to to speak because words weren’t formulating. I felt that I needed to go outside.

I pulled my roommate aside and told her I needed fresh air. While walking out the door, I felt a wave of confusion, dizziness and panic. I felt discombobulated and I felt as if I was drunk. I ended up falling against a locker and it took a few minutes to relax. When I stood back up, words didn’t formulate, I was still dizzy, I just wanted to get the hell out of there before I caused any type of attention to my disorderly behavior.

It felt that it took half an hour to get out of the building because I couldn’t walk properly.

When we reached a bench outside, my roommate suggested that I might’ve had a panic attack. I was a little put off because I didn’t know what happened myself. How could she tell I was having a panic attack if I didn’t even know what was going on? But she was right.

On the way to the Gala, she asked me how I felt since I’ve recently decided to stop taking my anti-depressants. Something I never really thought about before she asked me… I thought I was doing pretty good. A little stressed out from working too much the previous week and saving enough money to keep myself stable but I really didn’t think about how I’ve been doing.

I decided to write a list of things that may potentially causing me stress and being aware of thoughts that may contribute to my anxiety. So far, it seems to be working but it’s only been 4 days…

Until next time?

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